


argument

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Arguing, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Gen, Morally Neutral Deceit | Janus Sanders, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27162566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: While Virgil and Janus are arguing, Virgil brings up something that pulls Janus into a memory, and suddenly he understood why Virgil hated him.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 81





	argument

**Author's Note:**

> Based On This TikTok:
> 
> https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJapSqpB/
> 
> CW for the tiktok: puts Janus in a bad light, I did not write this exactly that way.

They were in the middle of a argument, with Virgil just snapping and shouting at Janus. 

As Virgil told him why he won't allow Janus to be accepted (or at least, not by Virgil, not on his watch), Janus suddenly got pulled back into a memory. 

Now, he was used to getting thrown into random memories of him and Virgil, it had become regular for him after Virgil left. 

It wasn't weird for Janus to have a distant look in his eyes and go silent, only to snap out of it some seconds (or minutes, it really depends) later with tears either in his eyes or spiking down his cheeks. Remus got used to it, and so did Janus. 

But it hasn't happened for.. about two, three months? 

He doesn't really know, he never bothered to keep track.

It took him by surprise, however at the same time, it felt right. 

Felt like it was supposed to happen, like he was supposed to have these memory flashback things, like he was supposed to cry because of them, like he was meant to suffer. 

And, honestly? He probably does, is meant to suffer. 

He doesn't deserve any less, really. 

This memory felt.. weird. 

Shit.

Almost as if this one was purposely blocked out, as if he didn't want himself to see it.

It was of him yelling at Virgil, about something so fucking stupid, and telling him that all Janus had done has been using him, that Janus was never truthful to him, and that he never would be. 

Fuck.

Janus remembers he used to do that, make up lies about lies he's told with the intent of hurting the other person, despite it being the opposite of what he actually did or thinks about them.

God, he fucking hated himself.

No wonder Virgil hates him too.

No wonder why Virgil is so against him being accepted.

No wonder why Virgil treated him so hostilely.

Janus absolutely doesn't blame him, shit, he'd acted awful.

Who in their right mind would stay around after that?

Oh, fuck. 

If Janus blocked this from his own memories, what if he did that to Remus too?! 

That's why Remus stayed. 

Oh god, he'd manipulated Remus, he'd probably kept him here and erased his memory like some fucking asshole kidnapper.

Remus never wanted to stay with him!

Remus would've left if he'd had the chance, Janus is sure. 

Fuck, his best friend doesn't care about him, Janus had lied to Remus, fuck-

The only reason Remus stayed was probably because of Janus' fucking manipulation, he never cared!

Fuck, fuck, fuck-

The memory was long gone by now, and Janus had fallen on the ground, brought his knees up to his chest, and was nearly hyperventilating.

Janus was so fucking pathetic, after what he put Virgil through, just remembering it, and from his own point of view, from the person who hurt Virgil point of view, and he was the one struggling to breathe? 

How could Virgil stand to be in a room around Janus?

How could Virgil even cope with the knowledge that Janus still even exists?

That such a terrible, awful, disgusting person exists?

Someone was around him, now, probably either trying to get him to leave or to stop hyperventilating, he's not the victim here, he's the bad one, he doesn't deserve to cry or feel and after that!

Janus wobbled up, his legs so unsteady that it was a miracle that he could even stand, let alone walk. 

He breathed in roughly, and tried his hardest to apologise, "s-shit, sorry, sorry, I'm s-sorry! I.. I- get why.. hate me, sor-" 

He couldn't breathe, he was falling again, fucking weak dumbass.

He couldn't hear anything or anyone else besides the frantic beating of his heart, and his racing thoughts.

I mean, he did want to know why Virgil hated him.

Janus just got what he asked for.

Virgil was so nice, he answered the question Janus had, even after all Janus put him through.

Maybe, maybe Janus was just being delirious, but that's so kind-

And Janus blacked out.

**Author's Note:**

> janus blacked out because of his panic attack btw, nothing bad happened to our boy


End file.
